When my competitive instincts kick in, I feel like a desperado. It’s an old feeling from childhood where I feel like I’m constantly falling short (not good enough or smart enough).
Over the past few years, I’ve trained myself to focus on running my own race. I’ve had to learn to do things my way. As it turns out, when you live this way you feel better about yourself and less anxious too.
When I was 17 years old, I was struggling to figure out what I wanted to do with my life (“Should I be at Law school? Should I quit and get a job?”).
To keep depression at bay, I forced myself to exercise in the park every Sunday.
That’s where I met a wise woman who happened to be a family lawyer.
Over the course of a year, we became friends exercising in the park. I confided in her that I was struggling at university.
“I’m not sure if Law school is the place for me”, I said.
I also mentioned to her that I had failed my first test but I stopped short of telling her my mark (only 5%).
It must have been obvious that I was in need of a bit of a confidence boost because the following Sunday she rocked up to the park with an old record in her hand.
The track was called I’ve gotta be me.
She said “This is for you. Listen to it when you get a chance”.
Back in those days, there was no Spotify or music streaming services. In order to listen to this record, I had to go to Cash Converters (a secondhand pawn shop) and purchase a clunky stereo system with a record player.
I listened to the song hoping to have some earth shattering realisation about what to do with my life. And when it never came, I listened to it again and again. Still nothing.
“What is she trying to say to me with this song?” I cried.
Looking back, it’s so obvious what she was trying to say (“Be yourself! Follow your dreams! Don’t give up!”).
The problem was I was treating listening to this song like it was an assignment to analyse a poem or a piece of abstract art. I was overthinking it.
Looking back, it didn’t matter that I didn’t fully understand the lyrics. I was really touched by this lawyer’s kind gesture.
Law school felt like such a cold and competitive place at times. Coming from a working class family, it was easy to feel like you were invisible and didn’t belong there.
Yet here was this woman (a successful family lawyer) encouraging me to be myself and keep going. That meant a lot to me.
Two decades later as I listen to the track, I get it.
It’s powerful to live life on your own terms.
What they don’t teach you in school is it’s far more rewarding to collaborate and cooperate and forge your own path forward in life than it is to compete against others and follow the herd.
It’s also a lot more fun and energising to run your own race and focus on your own progress.
It’s possible to run your own race, even if you have shaky confidence. In fact, running your own race will help you to build rock solid confidence. So the sooner you learn to do this, the better.
Here’s how you do it . . .
Instead of competing and comparing yourself against your friends or some other poor soul in your class or workplace, start competing against yourself. Compare you to you.
A simple habit you can develop is tracking your wins each day in a notebook. I do this just before going to bed (my notebook is on my bedside table).
This simple practice helps build momentum. As Dr Benjamin Hardy says “[When you cultivate this habit] you feel like you’re always winning and making progress.”
If you write down three wins every day, by the end of the week you’ll have 21 wins down on paper. If you keep this practice up and look back over your entries, something shifts. Instead of feeling like a desperado, you’ll be feeling like a champion.
If you must have some opponent to compete against, make your opponent an electronic timer. Challenge yourself to compete against the timer.
“Can I empty this laundry basket (putting away my clothes) in under 5 minutes?”
“Can I vacuum the house in under 12 minutes?”
“How many words can I get down on the page in 25 minutes? Let’s go!”
When I’m lacking motivation, this is one way I get moving with various tasks. Timers can also help you stay focused on a task for a period of time and time your rest breaks.
Another way you can challenge yourself is with music. You can create a 25 minute or hour long playlist and use it to time your work sessions. If it’s a small task you need to complete (under 5 minutes), use an upbeat song to help you get it done.
In The Ultimate Time Management Toolkit Risa Williams recommends selecting songs with no lyrics and that don’t have any sad emotions associated with them. When it comes to your schoolwork, try to keep the music light and upbeat without being overly distracting.
The biggest mistake people can make when it comes to achieving their goals and creating new habits is to push themselves too hard.
I’ve been sitting at this computer for over an hour and I’ve ignored the last two timers that have gone off. Why? Because I’m in a flow state. When I started writing this blog, it was slow and painful. But now the ideas are flowing and I’m into it.
But I know I need to stop soon. If I don’t, I’m going to fry my brain.
As Greg McKeown says:
“You’re trying make sure that you don’t use up more mental energy than you can recuperate each day and each week. You want to be able to sustain the pace and get the job done. This is in contrast to being intermittent in your effort when you go big for a couple of days and then you can’t even work on it after that because you fried your brain, and you can’t get back to it.”
In a nutshell, think of this race you’re running as being a marathon (not a 100 metre sprint). Pace yourself.
Spending too much time on social media or following the wrong people online is the equivalent of pulling a hamstring when you’re out running your own race. It will mess with your mind and take you off course.
One of the problems with social media is it is designed to have you engage in upward comparisons. It puts you in a state of mind where you are constantly seeking approval from others.
Instead of focusing on what you need to do to move forward with your goals, you’re wasting time and energy following what others are doing. You get pulled into the outrage machine. Very quickly you can lose sight of your goals.
When you spend too much time on social media, your perception of reality also gets warped. Being exposed to envy inducing perfect pictures and posting only the best parts of our lives can make us forget that life is indeed very messy! In the book Disconnect Jordan Guiao explains:
“It is travel without the sixteen-hour flight, the fit body without the six-days a week workout regime and birthday parties without the crying babies. These approximations of reality start to become our new normal. As we edit out the messiness and ugliness of real life, we begin to forget that this messiness and ugliness exists for others too.”
Guiao recommends asking yourself whether the people you are following add value to your life. He says:
“Periodically reassess who you follow on social media and why. Is an influencer offering valuable advice and insights or just posting pretty pictures that make you feel bad about yourself? Do you think about their content when you’re offline? Does it serve you to comment on others’ posts if you are only doing it to seek their approval? What are you gaining from these interactions – and what are you losing?”
When you decide to ditch the pretty pictures and unfollow the influencers, you’ll notice a dramatic shift in how you feel about yourself and how you’re tracking in life.
If you’re like me, competing against others will leave you feeling desperate, insecure, and chaotic. So, why not start playing your own game?
Stay true to yourself. Do it your way. Set your own rules and path.
Using a timer or a song can be a simple way to get moving with a task. Reducing time spent on social media will help you to stay focused on what you truly want without getting distracted by all the noise and drama that’s playing out online.
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I understand this cringe factor.
In high school, goal setting felt forced. I’d think, “Why are they making me do this?” and “What’s the point?”.
However, once I got to university, I realised that goals are a helpful life strategy.
In this article, I want to share my perspective on goal setting and how this strategy has helped me to get things done.
I’m going to tell you:
• What goals are
• Why you’d want to have them
• How to stick at them
• Why you need to protect your goals from destructive outside forces
Let’s go!
Goals are things you want to do. Perhaps you want to write a book, jog around the block every morning, start a podcast, get a part-time job to save money or learn to play an instrument. These are goals.
• Goals give your life a sense of purpose
• Goals give your life meaning and a reason to get out of bed
• Goals help to focus your mind on what you want/need to do
• Goals help you to create a better, less boring life
As Giovanni Dienstmann explains in his book Mindful Self Discipline:
“We all need to aspire to something and feel that we are going somewhere. Otherwise, there is a sense of boredom in life. Our daily routine feels stale and unengaging. As a result, we seek relief through bad habits, and seek engagement through mindless entertainment, news, social media, games, etc.”
Have you ever set a goal, you felt excited, but then that excitement quickly dissipated, and you gave up on the goal?
Whenever this happens, it’s easy to think, “Goal setting doesn’t work!”.
However, the problem isn’t with goal setting as a strategy.
The problem is that motivation is completely unreliable (it comes and goes). Plus, you were probably never taught how to achieve your goals in the first place.
In other words, you were set up to fail.
There’s a lot of pretty average advice out there about goal setting. I’ve heard dozens of goal setting pep talks, and many can be summed up like this:
“Set a goal, make it SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound), break it down, blah, blah, blah.”
Most students tune out when they hear these pep talks. You can feel the energy being sucked out of the room.
This advice doesn’t work for most people. And it’s incomplete.
I’ve found that the following simple ideas can make a big difference in helping you move from inaction to action when it comes to pursuing your goals:
Achieving big long-term goals requires consistently engaging in small behaviours over time. You need to chip away and develop habits to get there.
For instance, after taking a hiatus from writing books (because I felt stuck and overwhelmed by the idea), I finally started writing down my ideas.
By starting small.
I told myself all I had to do was open the Word document and write one sentence. And the sentence didn’t even have to be good! But I had to do this every single day.
If I wanted to write more than one sentence, I could. But one sentence was my absolute minimum. Most days, I wrote at least a paragraph. But when I didn’t feel great, I would show up and write one sentence.
Nine months later, I had a draft manuscript ready to send to my editor.
Many different behaviours can help you achieve your goal. The first step is to brainstorm all the possible behaviours that can help you move closer to it.
One way to do this is with BJ Fogg’s tool, Swarm of Behaviors (also known as Swarm of Bs).
Here’s what you do:
You write your goal/aspiration/outcome (whatever you want to achieve) in the middle of a sheet of paper. Then, you spend a few minutes listing all the behaviours that will help you achieve it.
Dr Fogg stresses:
“You are not making any decisions or commitments in this step. You are exploring your options. The more behaviors you list, the better.”
When I was brainstorming behaviours that could help me to write my next book, I came up with the following list:
1. Use an Internet blocker app and block myself from distracting websites
2. Carry a notepad and pen with me everywhere I go (to capture ideas)
3. Write one sentence every morning
4. Speak my ideas into a voice recorder when I go for a walk
5. Use the Write or Die app
6. Manage my inner critic (when it strikes, say to myself, “It can’t be all bad!”)
7. Give myself a pep talk each day (e.g., “Done is better than perfect!”)
8. Do Julia Cameron’s morning page activity (i.e., free writing)
9. Attend a writing retreat
10. Sign up for the ‘Turbocharge your writing’ course
11. Pick up a mind map, select an idea and use it as a writing prompt
Once you’ve finished brainstorming potential behaviours, go through your list and select just a few behaviours to get the ball rolling (I selected #1, #3, and #6).
It’s well worth spending a couple of minutes making each of these behaviours ‘crispy’ (i.e., specific). For instance, for Behaviour #1, I decided which websites I would block myself from using and at what times.
When we work towards big life goals, the process is never neat or linear. Showing up and doing whatever you need to do (even just writing one sentence) can feel like a daily grind. Mild discomfort usually infuses the whole process.
Accept that’s how it is. It will sometimes feel like a hard slog, but the rewards are worth it.
The long-term rewards of working on your goals far outweigh the superficial rewards of scrolling through social media, watching Netflix, etc.
Even if you don’t achieve what you initially set out to do, chances are you’ll still be better off than you were before. Why? Because you’ll have learnt a bunch of new skills and life lessons.
Be careful who you share your goals with. Some people delight in stamping all over your goals and crushing your hopes and dreams.
For example, when I was 10 years old, I started attending drama classes outside of school. These classes were a lot of fun and quickly became the highlight of my week.
I remember thinking, “When I grow up, I want to run a drama academy to help boost kids’ confidence”.
I felt inspired by this idea. Drama had helped me come out of my shell and I wanted this for other kids who were lacking confidence. So, I decided to be brave and share my plans with my primary school teacher at the time.
I was expecting Mr D to say, “Good for you, Jane!”. But instead, he said with a smirk, “How do you think you’re going to do that?”
And then he started grilling me with questions . . .
“Where will you get the money from to set this up?”
“Who is going to come to your classes?”
“Where do you plan on running these classes?”
On and on Mr D went.
Ugh. “Just stop Mr D!” I wanted to scream.
I was left feeling crushed.
So, take it from me: Be careful who you share your goals with. Because some people get a kick out of squashing stuff (e.g., your dreams).
But nowadays, there’s a more powerful (and often overlooked) force that can mess with your goals: social media
If you’re constantly checking social media and looking at what other people are doing, that’s time and energy you could have spent working towards your goals. But that’s only part of the story . . .
Social media exposes you to a hodgepodge of content: the best bits of people’s lives, advertising, conspiracy theories, and outrage-inducing influencers. All this noise messes with your goals by subtly shifting and changing your worldview, beliefs, attitudes, and what you view as important in life.
In his brilliant book Stand Out of Our Light: Freedom and Resistance in the Attention Economy, ex-Google strategist and now Oxford-trained philosopher James Williams shares his struggles with this. He states:
“. . . I felt that the attention-grabby techniques of technology design were playing a nontrivial role. I began to realise that my technologies were enabling habits in my life that led my actions over time to diverge from the identity and values by which I wanted to live. It wasn’t just that my life’s GPS was guiding me into the occasional wrong turn, but rather that it had programmed me a new destination in a far-off place that it did not behoove me to visit. It was a place that valued short-term over long-term rewards, simple over complex pleasures.”
He adds:
“…I found myself spending more and more time trying to come up with clever things to say in my social posts, not because I felt they were things worth saying but because I had come to value these attentional signals for their own sake. Social interaction had become a numbers game for me, and I was focused on “winning” – even though I had no idea what winning looked like. I just knew that the more of these rewarding little social validations I got, the more of them I wanted. I was hooked.
. . . I had lost the higher view of who I really was, or why I wanted to communicate with all these people in the first place.”
When you go on social media, you need to realise that there are thousands of highly intelligent people on the other side of the screen and it’s their job to figure out how to capture and exploit your attention.
In short, the values and goals of these big tech companies are not aligned with your values and goals. Facebook’s first research scientist Jeff Hammerbacher summed it up nicely when he said:
“The best minds of my generation are thinking about how to make people click ads . . . and it sucks.”
Take a moment to think of the people who you admire. How would you feel if you saw them spending vast amounts of time distracted and obsessed with social media?
I’ll leave you with this powerful quote from author Adam Gnade:
“Would you respect them [your biggest hero] as much if you saw them hunched over their phone all day like a boring zombie? No, you want them out there in the world doing heroic things, writing that great novel/song/whatever, saving the planet, standing up for the disenfranchised, or whatever else it was that made you love them in the first place. Let’s try to be as good as our heroes.”
Whatever you want in life, work out what you need to do to get there (i.e., the concrete behaviours), and then roll up your sleeves and get started.
If I’m honest with myself, there was a time when technology was doing me more harm than good.
On Facebook, I frequently fell into the comparison trap (comparing myself to people who had posted delicious dinners, amazing holiday photos, etc).
On Twitter, I’d get baited by trolls (and I’d foolishly take the bait).
Throughout the day, I’d constantly check my phone and email, which left me feeling jittery and chaotic.
Big Tech was constantly hijacking my time, energy, and attention. Every time I retreated to my devices for a quick shot of dopamine, I moved further away from my goals. I didn’t like this, and I knew something needed to change.
Over the past three years, I’ve implemented many practices to regain control of my time, energy, and attention (including deleting all social media).
These practices have made a big difference in my life. But I’m well aware that not everyone feels the same way I do about Big Tech, nor are they in a position to be able to delete all their accounts.
Following a school presentation, I spoke with a small group of year 8 students. I shared with them that I didn’t use any social media, to which a year 8 girl quickly chimed in:
“My grandma has Facebook. What’s your excuse?”
Her words struck me like a bolt of lightning. I didn’t know what to say.
It highlighted how adopting these apps is the norm for a young person.
When everyone else has a smartphone and is using social media (including your parents and grandparents), why would you question using them?
I couldn’t forget the year 8 girl’s words. While I appreciated her candidness, it left me slightly disturbed.
At the same time, it increased my motivation to resist Big Tech. I started searching for role models: people actively resisting Big tech and this hyperconnected, fast-paced way of life.
One community kept popping up in my research: the Amish.
The Amish are often portrayed as being technologically impaired. A classic example is Weird Al Yankovic’s music video Amish Paradise (a parody of Coolio’s mega-hit Gangsta’s Paradise).
In this video, Weird Al sings:
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies agree I really look good in black, fool
If you come to visit, you’ll be bored to tears
We haven’t even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain’t really quaint, so please don’t point and stare
We’re just technologically impairedThere’s no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Crusoe
It’s as primitive as can be
While the Amish still mainly travel by horse and buggy and shun many modern technologies, such as televisions, radios, and cars, they are not ‘technologically impaired’ as Weird Al makes out.
When it comes to cultivating healthy digital habits, there is a lot we can learn from the Amish.
The Amish have a set of strategies that guide the adoption and use of different technologies. These strategies have allowed them to avoid being pawns for the goals of Big Tech companies, which make massive profits by seizing people’s attention.
I recently read a fascinating book called Virtually Amish, written by Dr Lindsay Ems. For her PhD research, Dr Ems spoke to Amish people about their relationship to modern technology (e.g., smartphones).
She argues that the Amish take control of their tech tools and thrive. Through adopting similar practices, we can thrive, too.
Below, I share how you can thrive by emulating Amish practices and beliefs around technology:
The Amish are not technophobes. They are ‘technoloselectives’.
They carefully consider the tech tools they’ll adopt and their functionality, tweaking them to help them achieve their goals.
The Amish don’t mindlessly purchase the latest gadgets and gizmos. Instead, they think about their values and goals and how the technology could cause unintended harm to themselves and the wider Amish community.
What are your goals?
Do your tech tools help you achieve them, or do they distract you from them?
The Amish are guided by their values (i.e., the things that are most important to them). Their values underpin everything they do.
So, what exactly do Amish people value?
• Community
• Connections with others
• Living a simple and slow-paced life
• Living a spiritually rich life
• Being self-sufficient
The Amish use these values to guide their adoption of technology.
An example of this can be seen with the arrival of the home telephone (not smartphone). Dr Ems shares how the Amish decided to ban the telephone from being inside the family home.
This ban came about after careful consideration and reflection on their values. The Amish value connections with family, friends, and the community. They don’t want to be the kind of person who interrupts a conversation by answering a telephone call. For this reason, telephones are located outside Amish family homes or nearby.
What are the things that are most important to you?
How does technology impact on those things?
Does it enrich those things or diminish them?
The Amish understand that technology can cause harm. Subsequently, they intentionally delay adopting new technology until they see its impact on others.
Does it destroy family life? Does it wreak havoc on their ability to pay attention and distract them from their spiritual life?
If so, the technology threatens their culture and religion, and for these reasons, it should be avoided.
Before adopting a piece of technology, the Amish need to be clear about two things:
1) The functionality of the technology (what it can do)
2) The potential social impacts of the technology
Once they deeply understand these things, it is then decided whether the technology is adopted or not.
It may come as no surprise that Amish people view the smartphone as an incredibly dangerous innovation. Many Amish communities have bans on this device.
How do you feel after spending time on social media?
Have you seen things posted on social media that weren’t true or were exaggerated?
When an Amish person wants to use a new technology, that technology will go through a formal decision-making process.
The community (in particular, the leaders) will consider the future with this technology. They’ll try to imagine how the technology could change their way of life.
Questions the Amish reflect on include:
• What are the advantages and disadvantages of the technology?
• What might come with it that we might not anticipate?
• Could someone get addicted to it?
• Is it a need or a want?
• Can the technology be restrained?
In her book Virtually Amish, Dr Ems provides the example of an Amish business owner asking the community leaders if he could have permission to use a label maker for his business.
After careful consideration, the leaders ruled label makers could be allowed for the following reasons:
• They are not addictive
• They can’t be used for recreational purposes (e.g., playing games or entertainment)
Think of a new technology (device or app) you want to adopt. Could it become addictive?
Many Amish people believe the issue is not whether you use a smartphone or social media but how you use it. It’s important that the Amish remain in control of their use of tech and place limits on it.
It’s also important that the technology is not visible (i.e., you don’t pull your smartphone out in Church or during a conversation). Being discrete in the way one uses technology shows respect for Amish values.
How do you use the tech in your life?
Are you in control of your use?
Amish people think about not just how they use the technology but what kind of person they become when they use it.
This point resonated with me deeply. I can’t say I’ve always liked who I become when I use certain technology.
A few years ago, I babysat my friends’ children when my friends went out for a kid-free meal. I look back and cringe when I think about how the experience unfolded.
Before going to my friend’s place to start babysitting, I got into a heated text discussion with some people in a group chat. Things were said that upset me.
For most of the night, I was on my phone, texting back and forth, not present with these young children. At one point, the little boy tugged on my arm to get my attention. “Aunty Jane, come play!” he said.
What can I say? I felt terrible. This certainly was not my finest moment. I had become the kind of caregiver I am usually quick to judge: distracted and disengaged.
I vowed to avoid trying to resolve issues by text and leave my phone at home next time to be fully present with the kids.
When you use social media, what sort of person do you become?
The Amish take modern tech tools and modify them to help them achieve their goals.
The plain mobile phone is an example of this. Amish people have created a mobile phone that can only make calls. It doesn’t have a camera, games, access to the Internet, or the ability to send text messages.
Similarly, the plain computer allows Amish to make spreadsheets, do word processing, and construct simple drawings. This allows them to complete tasks without being distracted by other things.
In other words, the Amish create what David Kadavy (author of Mind Management, Not Time Management) would refer to as sticky tools. A sticky tool allows you to stay focused on a task without getting distracted.
What sticky tools could you consider adopting (e.g., a basic flip phone and Internet blocker app)?
The Amish take pride in growing their own food, raising barns, baking their own bread, tinkering with robotics, inventing, and making their own clothes. They are not big consumers, but they embrace a simple lifestyle and encourage human creativity.
In the modern non-Amish world, many of us are doing the polar opposite of this. We have fallen into the trap of consuming content mindlessly online (e.g., watching people bake bread instead of baking our own bread).
Don’t get me wrong—the Internet is an excellent learning tool to help us build our skills. I have turned to YouTube for many instructional videos on how to make and fix things. But doing this requires discipline because it is all too easy to get derailed by other distracting videos.
The bottom line is this: the more time we spend online, the more ads we are likely exposed to and the more our consumptive desires are stirred up. Is it any wonder so many people feel so dissatisfied with their lives?
Instead of mindlessly consuming, what can you create today?
The Amish embrace tech with inbuilt friction. In fact, inconvenience is considered a virtue.
Dr Ems shares that many Amish technologies intentionally contain ‘speed bumps’ and ‘friction’. The reason for this friction is to prevent Amish people from wasting time on the device.
I’ve found this is one of the positives associated with using a ‘basic phone’.
Last year, I experimented with using a basic flip phone with limited functionality (I could only make calls and send texts). Texting on this phone was so painfully slow that it made me want to avoid getting into long text discussions with people. It was easier to pick up the phone and call people.
Using a smartphone to text your friends may be easier than making a phone call, but as the Amish strongly believe, easier is not always better.
How can you build friction into your tech use?
Can you embrace analog alternatives to decrease your screen time?
How much control do you have over your time, energy, and attention? As Chris Bailey writes in his book How to Calm Your Mind, “On the Internet, our intentions very quickly slip from our grasp.”
If you want to thrive online and offline, consider adopting some of the tech habits of the Amish. By limiting their tech use, the Amish have been able to remain mentally free and protect their way of life.
If more of us adopted Amish tech practices (e.g., being intentional with our tech use and placing limits on it), we’d most likely feel calmer and less anxious. We’d also spend more time engaged in activities that bring us joy and are aligned with what we value.
Where I live in Perth Western Australia, there’s an event that happens once a year that demands your attention like no other: The Royal Show.
At this show, there are extreme rides, giant fluffy toys to be won, baby animals you can pat, and much, much more.
Wherever you are in the world, you probably have an event like this, too. And if you do, chances are there is something at the show that is completely attention grabbing . . .
I’ve come to see show bags as being an important metaphor for modern life. Let me explain . . .
When I was a child, I couldn’t wait for the show bag catalogue to be released. I would spend hours trawling through the catalogue, carefully selecting my show bags.
These were big and important questions for my 6-year old brain.
When we finally got to the show, my parents and I would wait in the queue at the frenzied show bag stall. I remember looking up at the display of all the bright colourful show bags and feeling really excited.
If you break down the contents of a show bag, there’s a bit of a formula to them . . .
There’s usually a range of ultra-processed sugary and salty snack foods and a bunch of novelty toys.
If you take a good hard look at the contents of most show bags, there’s nothing that’s really nourishing in there. It’s just poor-quality junk food. Or cheap plastic rubbish that is destined for landfill.
As I got older, I wised-up to these overpriced show bags containing mostly garbage. I stopped buying them.
Now you’re probably wondering, “What do show bags have to do with being able to study effectively? How is this a metaphor for modern life?”
I’ve come to see show bags and the Royal Show as being similar to smartphones, specifically social media apps.
If consumed frequently (even just in small doses), they are potentially damaging to our minds, bodies, and the planet.
Think of it like this . . .
But if you were to have a show bag every day, would you enjoy it as much?
Probably not.
According to addictions expert Dr Anna Lembke, if you consume too much of a pleasurable thing, it makes that thing less pleasurable.
This is why they say, “Less is more”.
There’s a reason the royal show only happens once a year and you can’t buy show bags at the local supermarket. It’s a special occasion. Show bags are designed to be a special treat.
It wouldn’t be so special if it happened all the time. After a while, the novelty would wear off. You’d get bored.
As you emptied the contents of your 50th Bertie Beetle show bag or entered the Gravitron for the 100th time, you’d be like “Meh. Big deal”.
If you don’t believe me, next time you’re at the show take a look at the carnies (the carnival workers). They’re not having fun in sideshow alley. They’re tired. They want to be packing up the rides and getting out of there.
The point is the Royal show and show bags are great once in a while but not all the time.
It’s the same deal with social media. Spending too much time on there isn’t doing you any good.
Switching rapidly from doing your work to your phone and then back again slows you down. It impairs your ability to think and learn. It makes you feel scattered and anxious, too.
It’s time to start thinking of TikTok, YouTube videos and text notifications as the sugary treats, salty snacks, and novelty toys contained in show bags. Nice to have occasionally, but if consumed in large quantities, you’re going to suffer.
Just because everyone is eating Bertie Beetles all day every day doesn’t make it healthy. It doesn’t make this behaviour okay. It just means we’re going to end up with a very sick society.
We can do better. But this means we need to place limits on how much we consume.
When you study with your phone within arm’s reach that’s like having a never-ending show bag of junk food next to you. You can’t fully focus your mind on the task at hand because a part of your brain is thinking about the tasty treats in the bag.
No matter how hard you try not to think about the treats, you can’t help but think about the treats!
It’s not your fault that you can’t resist checking your phone for the treats that await you. Social media apps are designed to be dopamine dispensing machines. Addictive to the core.
How can you fill up on the good stuff (i.e. the stuff that is going to add real value to your life)?
I recently developed a powerful tiny habit. It may sound simple but I highly recommend it. The habit is this . . .
When I notice my phone is in my workspace, I will pick it up and put it away from my body in another room.
In fact, I have a specific home for my phone: it lives in pocket number 1 of a vertical wall hanger in my dining room. I have set times when I can check my phone. But outside those times, my phone stays in pocket 1.
When I put my phone in the pocket, it’s like I’m putting the show bag away on the top shelf of a cupboard and closing the cupboard door. Out of sight is out of mind.
I recommend you give it a shot.
When you first start implementing this habit, you will probably feel a strong urge to grab your phone and look at it. But over time the urge to check your phone will pass.
The thing about focus is it’s like a muscle. You can strengthen it over time by engaging in simple practices, such as putting your phone away when it’s time to do your work and engaging in meditation.
Doing these things may be more difficult than dipping into a show bag or watching TikTok videos, but it’s probably going to deliver far more benefits in the long run.
But most importantly, when you fully focus your mind on what you need to do, there is something inherently satisfying about that. It brings you more joy and satisfaction than any 15 second video could ever deliver.
Image Credit
“Ekka 2004 Showbag Pavillion” by Dr Stephen Dann is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 
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Dr Jane Genovese delivers interactive sessions on learning to learn, combating procrastination, exam preparation, how to focus in the age of distraction, habit formation and much, much more!
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